May 13, 2005
-
Going Dutch?
Hahahahah.... its kind of funny to see how different genders respond to the previous blog. So a couple of people commented about the guy. Was what he did nice? Not at all. But that's not the same as him doing something wrong. If you're going to bash on the guy then you have to say that the female was equally as wrong. All he did was reciprocate.
One person commented that whoever asks the person out should pay. Fine. The person who asks tho should pick their own venue, in this case a Irish pub. If the other person wants to go somewhere else (significantly more expensive), then she should partner up in paying the tab. It was clear that she didn't think she had to. Hey...sounds like gold digger to me.
Another person said that the guy should have been upfront about separate tabs. Ok, sounds fair. Then the girl should be upfront about being a gold digger. Something along the lines of: "Since you're probably going to pay I want to milk you for as much free food and drink as possible. In fact, I will do so in such an excessive manner that if forced to pay I will need to flee from the premises." Yea, I didn't hear her say that either. So fair's fair. She wasn't upfront about her own intentions and he didn't detail his intention to pay.
It was wrong of him to encourage her to eat/drink. Hey, if i'm having dinner with friends and one of them says: "I'm so hungry I want to have steak." And I say: "Well, then have some steak." That doesn't automatically mean I should pay. If that's the case, why should this guy pay? Just because its a date? Sorry, refer to the second paragraph. She chose the place, she should be able to afford whatever she orders.
Karma. Well, first off I don't believe in karma. But if I did... I'd say that karma already took care of some business. This girl probably took advantage of lots of other guys.... and now she's getting some payback. So in her case, what goes around does come around.
Anyway, I just found it amusing. Us guys...we're not stupid. We acknowledge the fact that if we ask you out on a date its on us to pay. Its not a problem, its part of the dating landscape. However, when a woman (not all women) takes it upon herself to take advantage of the guy and the situation then that's not right. And if she does it often enough figuring she'll get a free ride even if she's not interested in the guy... and she should reap what sow. Ain't no thanng but a chicken waaang.
Comments (44)
Hahahah, break it down grandpa! For the few good men that are still left, I agree with you. Girls like that deserve that kind of karma. I guess I'm partial b/c I think that a lot of guys (not all) go on dates with the intention of getting the girl in bed by the end of the night and that's how they justify paying for the dinner and such.
ryc: i like this entry better! hehehe.. u know, i think u just might make a pretty good lawyer, bc after what u wrote about the grl choosing to flee, and risking an arrest, rather than to pay $300, it does kinda show maybe she isnt so well off financially. i dont feel comfortable calling her a gold digger, bc these are all just assumptions, albeit quite good ones. kudos! i know ur defending the guys, bc ur a guy, and i think i jump to defend the grls for the same reason.
i agree with what u wrote in this entry, except that u derive all ur reasonings bc u judge men and women equally, in all aspects. but u know, in reality, men and women are NOT equal, bc we are not treated equally. from job positions, salaries, to society's norms and double standards, women in many ways are still second class citizens compared to men. i am not saying that u men are oppressing women to the extreme, but i am sure u would agree that women, more than men, are objectified and also subjected to unfair double standards.
so, taken into consideration that women, compared to men, often get the shorter end of the
stick in the real world, i think it is at least reasonable, for a guy to act more chivariously at certain times. i dont think its a gentlemanly behavior when a guy calculates every single last penny he spends, and must make sure the grl spends the same amt. if i were that guy, i think the right thing to do would be to pay for her, and never ask her out again. so what if she took advantage of me this time. its only one goddam time, and i learned how she really is, i think thats a good trade off. so what if she gets free ride from me, its the last time, bc guys are not stupid, right? no matter what, if were a man of character, i would be responsible for my date and her well being. if i have the guts to ask her and take her out. the least i should do is to send her home as well. i would never leave her hanging or to be arrested. its out of character for me, and i think for most people as well.
word!
where is all this bitterness towards women coming from?
anyhoo, it seems like everyone is playing a game: she was using him, he was testing her. so is this what i'm missing from not dating? THANK GOD.
ahhh...the nyc dating game....so much fun......this girl got whats coming to her
i actually thought the situation was rather funny.
kinsen - are you serious? my wedding is July 30th. if you're not there, who is going to teach everyone the handicapped hokey pokey? hehehehehe
uh.. your invitation is at your parents house. can you rsvp for their meal selections? if u want a separate invite, email me your address and i'll send one out tomorrow.
well said. bravo.
it is sushi. its all you can eat at the bar. its cheap. and its fresh and SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO good. seriously you need to go there. its in downtown la jolla (prospect street) ... the rich neighborhood. its right next to the water and everything. I LOVE SD!
lol - funny two posts - dude, if some chick suggests her own place, i'll be like - "oh, so you're gonna pay?" - once you say that, you'll get to go where YOU want.
when i used to go on dates, i ALWAYS brought enough cash to cover myself and i don't order anything i can't afford. if the guy went crazy in ordering and we did wind up going dutch, i'd have pointed out that i was only going to pay for what i ordered (if we wound up going dutch, i'd guess it was a bad date, so i'd feel free to be a little more blunt bout the check). but honestly, if i do ask, i definitely do pay, tho in some cases guys don't let u. and i agree that if i'm paying, i get to pick the venue, barring someone who will get violently ill (allergic to seafood and i pick a seafood place, etc).
what that guy did is classic, and yes she got what she deserved. at the very least, if you get "caught" like that, then you should just pay and nurse your wounds at home. don't just bail like that... that's so "classy"
Kinsen, you don't believe in Karma? You're the first person I know who doesn't believe it exists!
I don't ever expect the guy to pay all the time. In fact I'd feel indebted to him one way or another. However, I do of a few women who expect the man to pay ALL the time regardless if going out was her suggestion or his... and not just once or twice... EVERY TIME ALL THE TIME! Ironically these are the same women who strive for equality in the relationship...
On a different note... Will you please care to donate to my fund raiser!!??!! I promise to buy you drinks the next time you come out! LOL!!! =)
MmMmM...chicken wings! hahaha
that reminds me...you still owe me a dinner, and you're paying...
RYC: Yea I joined NYRR last month! Hey ya know, Betty is part of it too! If you know anyone else we could form our own team - if you're not already on one, of course!!! =)
THANK YOU KINSEN FOR YOUR DONATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU'RE AWESOME! Don't forget to come out and watch me run!!! Then at night we could go celebrate my first victory!!!! =)
where am i supposed to send them? to your apartment? it starts at 5.30
u don't believe in karma?.....
she got what she deserved.
when it comes to dating i usually tell people this: the guy should always expect to pay but not always be expected to pay.
kinda like chivalry meets modern dating?
yup you should be able to pay for what you ask for.
but he ENCOURAGED her to keep drinking with the knowledge that she thought he was paying. whatever, man. if the guy doesn't want to pick up the tab, then he should let the girl know. it wasn't right that she kept upping the tab thinking that he'd spring for it. both were wrong. she didn't "get what she deserved". i think that's utter bullshit.
anyway, i bring money to cover myself always. and i don't even expect a guy to pick up the tab unless it's been discussed that it's dutch or one person is covering the bill.
i like to see the girl make an effort to at least reach for her wallet.
really? you don't believe in karma?
coming from an asian person...yes, i am shock!
youre entries are so long! Anyway yes please send me the lifehouse album. THANKS! See ya sunday.
Wow I actually read your last entry from beginning to end, personally I don't like it when a guy pays because then I feel like I owe them something. I would much prefer to pay for both of us but I also feel as if I wouldn't be giving the guy "face" if I didn't let him pay. If it were up to me, I'd say "let me pay, better for you to owe me something than for me to owe you anything." =)
It's aint' nothin but a chicken wing! ANyways, yeah, that "tabs" thing is pretty cool.. But when you're asian, and everybody knows each other, it's harder to pull off being a dick. The way I see it, girls get paid less for the same job, they have to pay extra for makeup and shoes, so that's why (I hate to say it) it's kinda fair taht guys pay. Obviously not an exorbitant amount, but what he can afford!!
The Chinese way is I treat, you treat next time..... that's fair too (but when it's my treat, it's always more than the girls).
Now, if the girl a "feminist" and wants everything to be EQUAL, then she shouldn't get any of this luxury and pay her half all the time =)
Yea, I used to live in NJ and went to NY all the time, so it's a completely different world down here. We might as well be our own country.
Anyway, came here from Alice's site. I forwarded that guy's email to the girls at my work, and boy did get in a heated debate. At first, it just looks like he's a cheap bastard because I didn't see that she opted to go for a different, more expensive place. They're both in the wrong. I just hope he's not looking to get lucky after these dates. When I move to NYC, I better not see this guy! =P Have a great weekend.
if i were him, i'd keep her from being arrested but i'd make her pay me back in services...haha
i hate going dutch. it's so tacky. I believe people should practice the art of "treating" one another. "thanks for getting dinner. i'll get the movie tix"
in the end, everything sort of equals out, and both people leave feeling generous and warm-hearted (instead of like some didactic book-keeper)
i must be a weird sort of girl cuz i always try to pay for my own share during the first few dates. hehehehe.... i'd never try to milk a guy for lobster or something because then i'd just feel that guilt. damn asian guilt!!
hahahah I thought we had this discussion a while back.
Damn that is a funny story.
face it. it all comes down to the ass...
hehe, i'm lazy today, so i'm not gonna add anymore comments. but i love His and Hers' response. she basically said what i would have. and sylvia too.
I've been reading this post everywhere. Yeah, person who asks pays, get to choose the venue.
He should have been up front about the seperate tabs, but why bother with the date if he didn't like her...
Who cares about any of those points, though, it's a funny story.
Thanks for sharing.
haha thanks for the props
=] nice
and also, i just wanted to tell u i just got a free ipod. you sign up for the site, and complete an offer, and just get 5 friends to sign up and do an offer too. these offers are like free trials, and then u can cancel them or there's other stuff u can do too. it's pretty easy. also if u want, if u wanna sign up just do it here:
http://www.freeiPods.com/?r=14722735
and i'll put ur referral link on my site so that people can sign up through you too!
luckily i don't eat much, so if that ever happens... my bill will be affordable.
thanks for the church suggestions. gonna try the one on bowne st, even though it is quite early.
lol...after awhile, paying all the time gets old.
go running today?
dude....that is awesome. girls always try to get teh best of both worlds....its ashame.
You think you've seen them??? U sure about that?? Cuz I've been searching hi and low for them. Have you seen them? I don't htinkn so. And if so... can you get me some? Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeze oh pleeeeze?
Comments are closed.